Sunday, July 31, 2005


It doesn’t turn me on when I am spanked for a film. Most of it doesn’t feel real, and getting hit by a woman is not a sexy thing for me.

The only times I really feel sexy and horny is when the studio owner from England comes in. He sometimes watches and sometimes does the actual beating himself.

He is a real master, apparently he has three 24/7 slaves at home, as well as some young girls who serve him.

The first time I saw him at the studio I was only 17. He said I was too young and that he wouldn’t hurt me or let anyone there touch me. I was so surprised, I had posed in so many spanking movies, filmed right there at the studio owned by him. I didn’t feel that young. But he said no and kissed me on the forehead saying I was a child.

Next time he came to Istanbul, he asked to see me. I was still 17. He again kissed me like I was a little baby. He didn’t spank me that day either, but he made me sit on his lap while he talked business with his employees.

Getting rejected by him the second time, made me really want to please him. He said he was going to come on my birthday, told me to be ready for the day.

I don’t know if he came just for me but on May 8th he was there. I got a message from him on my mobile saying he was waiting for the birthday girl.

My knees were shaking when I walked in the studio and saw him there. He looked like a god. He kissed me on the cheek got me sitting on his lap while they got the lights ready for the shooting.

I was wearing jeans and a simple white t-shirt that day. He told me to get my handbag. He opened it and took my hairbrush out. Showed me to sit on his lap again.

To tell the truth I was a bit disappointed. I was imagining all kinds of complicated bondage, whips, gags, blindfolds etc… or at least some role playing.

Instead I was on his lap fully dressed. He started spanking. It wasn’t hurting but he managed to surprise me with each blow. After about 15 blows he lowered my jeans and started hitting over the panties. I had about 10 medium weight strokes on each cheek. Finally he lowered the panties. I was waiting for the blow, instead his hand went to my pussy. He inserted his fingers in my pussy and roughly raised my hips opening my legs. It was all so sudden I didn’t have time to understand what had happened, then he forced the handle of the brush into my pussy.

Not pausing even for a second, he whacked with his hand. I couldn’t close my legs because of the bristles; and couldn’t lower my hips for the brush was up against his lap, keeping my hips in air. Now he was spanking me real hard. I felt all his weight in his hand. It was a struggle staying in that position, I had to stay firm when he hit, otherwise the brush would go right inside my pussy all the way. My toes were barely touching the ground, jeans down to my ankles, I could loose my balance anytime.

Trying to stay in place kept my mind off the spanking. He was hitting just as hard but my mind was more at the brush in my pussy. Now the handle was rubbing against my clit with each blow. I was definitely on a master’s lap. He knew exactly how to play with me, how to use me. I had been spanked by all kinds of people but never felt anything like this.

That day for the first time (unfortunately also the last time) I climaxed while he spanked. My body started shaking on his lap. I was moaning like crazy.

All the time he spanked I didn’t feel all that much pain, I realized what he had done much later when I couldn’t sit for days and was black-purple for a very long time.

When he finished. I kissed his hand (his palm was burning too) and thanked him. Again he kissed me on the forehead, holding me from my chin.

A week later I got to watch the film. Apparently the film got more viewing on the net than any other film the studio had done till that day. Watching it I could cum again. It is considered as one of the classics. Something I never realize while I am spanked is that the blows flatten my bottom completely each time. And his blows did it more than ever. It was like my bottom was elastic and got reshaped after the strikes. At the end it was dark red all over. Looked swollen.

He spanked me two more times after that. They were also great but I will never forget that first time being on his lap.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Who is holding the whip?

I get spanked regularly for 2.5 years now. I have made lots of money (this is another story, I might write about in future)

Now I can tell the difference between spanking done with love and the one out of anger or hate. Sometimes surprisingly the first involves more pain than the latter. I have had both.

I don’t mean the person hitting you loves or hates you. It is his/her peace with the world that comes out when he/she spanks. He is hitting because of his anger, because he is getting even with his mother/wife/girlfriend or even worse himself. These guys are not calm, they can easily start a fight, can get angry at little things. They can be scary. They love to call you names like whore or slut. He will trash you hard – not that I mind! – so that he can feel better afterwards.

Then, there are those men just the opposite. They are happy, in peace with themselves and with women around them. They find spanking to be a joyful prelude to good sex. They don’t like bad marks, bruises and they are scared of any permanent damage. But they enjoy having a little girl on their lap to spank. They love to see the pink-red glowing bottom. And after they have spanked you, they want you to suck them long and hard. I love these guys.

To tell the truth, I love them both.

However I don’t like either of these types around for long. After I am spanked or caned or whatever, I like to go off to my normal life, make love to my vanilla boyfriend. Spanking can only be part-time for me. I cannot imagine being a 24/7 slave. I love it while it lasts, and love to fantasize about it but I am always happy when it is over.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

getting ready

tomorrow i have an appointment with the studio. they called me last week. apparently they have a big order from an english web publishing company.

The english love the teenage student getting punished in classroom.

I think it is a silly fantasy but i don't care what i wear while i am spanked.

So today i am going to get waxed and tonight before i go to bed i will oil my body with jasmine oil. It feels very soft the next day. I feel so much better and sexier when my body is smooth.

I will write about Wednesday's spanking session tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Master, answer my question please

You stick dozens of small post-its on the wall. On each post-it you have written a way to use me. You then cuff my left wrist to left ankle, and right wrist to right ankle. I am on the floor, knees open, hands on the sides tied to the feet. You tell me to go to the wall and choose a post-it. I go up to the wall on my knees while you watch me… I read them one by one in great admiration for my Owner’s imagination.

You order me to get my favourite message with my lips and bring it back to you. You take it from my lips and smile as you read it. You say it will be my prize at the end.

I am on my knees in front of you, you attach a very long leash to my collar. You then blindfold me. Now my task is to go to the wall and bring back another post-it, not knowing what it says. The long leash is around your palm… I try not to bump into anything, carefully I go on my knees to the wall and take another one. On my way back you pull me towards you from the leash. You take the piece of paper from my mouth.

What is written on it? I am dying to know. What will you do to your little toy now?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

spank artist

i love franz kafka's story called "the hunger artist"
lately i think of myself as "lolita, the spank artist"
i try to distinguish all kinds of different pain while i am hit.
i close my eyes and wait for the strike

i always feel my knees shake
then the sting
then burning

i take a deep breath and wait for the next one

where is he going to hit?

Monday, July 04, 2005

my first professional time

One day a good friend of mine asked me and another friend if we wanted to model nude for a studio, she was doing it and getting lots of money for it. She made it sound great.

It is a long story how it all started… but finally one day 3 girls we went to a beauty salon, got waxed all over. Then headed to the studio. There was a Russian woman and her partner - a Turkish gay man- running the studio. It was a large studio with all kinds of props. They showed us pictures and films mostly just naked girls however at the end of the album, there were pictures of some girls and boys getting spanked. They said these last ones get paid double.

The spanking pictures scared my friends, they chickened out when she asked if we wanted to do a little trial film. Courageous as I am, I said I yes. (Months later she told me that the minute she saw me, she knew I would say yes)

After my friends left to wait for me at the corner café, I told her I wanted to pose for a spanking shooting. I told her roughly what had happened with the old man. She explained to me what she would do, and told me she would stop whenever I said “Enough.” She insisted I would tell her if I was uncomfortable. She made me put on a wig and school uniform. Her partner was filming with two cameras on different angles.

She showed me the paddle she was going to use. It was a large wooden paddle with holes. I started getting nervous as she bend me over a desk. The skirt was short. She started hitting with the paddle over the skirt. It wasn’t hurting at all, it was like acting. I guess she didn’t want to scare me the first time around. It wasn’t the paddle but bending over in front of strangers that made me nervous. She was saying things in Russian; I stayed quiet. Then she asked my permission to lower my panties. I took them off and bend back over the desk, lifting the skirt up. She appreciated my baldness. Now she was hitting my bare bottom. Still not hard but I was feeling it now. After a few of those I wasn’t quiet anymore.

Just as I thought enough, she stopped. Told me take all the clothes off as they continued filming. I could feel the heat on my bottom. She didn’t allow me to touch or rub the skin. Made me stand against the wall, arms over the head.

Now she was holding a thin cane. Saying things I couldn’t understand. She put the cane between my legs, pulled me up on my toes and started hitting small blows. Again not hard, just enough to give little stings. Seemed like this went on for a long time. I was getting tired, my arms were getting numb. Once in a while she put the cane between the cheeks, forcing it on the pussy lips to keep me on my toes.

Finally when it was over, I was very tired. Lights were out. She gave me a cream to rub on the skin. The cream did miracles, stopped burning right away. I went to the bathroom, got dressed, went out, got paid $500. I couldn’t believe it. They said I deserved it, I was excellent for a first timer.
My friends were waiting for me. They were both very curious. I didn’t tell them about the paddle, just told them I posed naked and there was nothing to it. We went shopping rest of the day.

the 3rd time

He didn’t call me for 6 months. The day he called, I was feeling miserable for many reasons: it was the hottest day of the year; had a big fight with my boyfriend the day before; and was menstruating, had terrible cramps. It couldn’t have been a worse day. It was too hot to do anything.

When I heard his voice on the phone, surprisingly, I was glad. He said he had gotten a room at the hotel, asked me to join him there. I said, ok. When I went to his room, he looked very happy to see me. It felt like old times, we talked and laughed. I was no longer angry with him for belting me.

He said he wanted to see me naked -- he had never seen me naked. I wasn’t wearing much: only shorts and a little t-shirt. I slowly got undressed while he watched. I got naked but I was feeling embarrassed of my unshaved pussy.

He was sitting on the side of the bed and I was standing facing him. He caressed my body, kissed my belly. He said he loved hairy pussies. Pinched my nipples softly. His hand moved between my legs, rubbing softly, his face close to my belly. He opened my knees apart and noticed the string of the tampax hanging. Without looking up at my face, he said “you are not a virgin anymore” It was like he was talking to himself, he sounded very surprised. I didn’t say anything.

He made me kneel on the floor and bend me over the bed, pressing my chest on the mattress. He asked “You love to be spanked, don’t you?” I didn’t answer, instead I buried my face in the bedcovers and waited for him to start. So came the first blow. I was now familiar with this pain. The second stroke was harder, felt like thousands of needles were stinging all at once. His hand was firm and the sound of the smacks deep. He was hitting right in the middle of both cheeks and he was hitting from under. I had decided not to cry this time. I wasn’t going to say anything. I didn’t want to beg him. But the pain was too much after the third blow I was biting the bedcovers to hold my screams.

After 5 hard slaps he stopped. He told me to get on fours on the bed. He was standing behind me. I opened my knees a little so that I could see what he was doing. I saw him yank the belt out of his pants and very slowly wrap around his palm. The sight of him holding the belt was too much. My body started shaking uncontrollably. I put my head down on the bed. He told me to raise my hips, I did.

He whacked. And whacked again. Hard leather on bare skin is definitely the most painful. As if a serpent is biting you.

After the second blow he noticed I was masturbating. He stopped hitting to watch me rub myself. I opened my knees wider, arched my back to give him a better view. Just as I was getting close to an orgasm and started moaning, he began thrashing again. Strapping all over, even my thighs. The blows were coming down on me one after another, he was hitting like a madman. I had a wild orgasm. When I couldn’t take anymore I laid flat on my stomach. I wasn’t feeling the belt anymore, I heard the smacks but felt nothing. As if I was there and not there at the same time, it was a very strange experience. After more strokes on my thighs and back he finally stopped.

He told me to wait there, and went to the bathroom. After a few minutes I started breathing normally again. I was exhausted. My body was aching all over. He was still in the bathroom. I got up from the bed, took my clothes from the floor, got dressed. I didn’t know what to do, I waited for another minute then I left without saying bye.

my second time

About a month later he called. He said he was on his boat, and he was going to be at the marina all day, I could go see him in the afternoon if I wished. Without saying anything I hung up the phone.

I was confused. I wanted to forget what had happened in his office, I hated him for it. On the other hand I was curious, wondered what would happen if I went.

At two o’clock, I found myself on the boat. It was a sailboat with one large cabin. He didn’t look surprised to see me, said he knew I would go. After a few minutes he said “Here” showing me his lap. I sat on his lap. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or how to behave. He started caressing my legs and telling me what a sweet girl I was. I didn’t say much but I was flattered. Then he made me turn over on his lap. I knew exactly what he was doing. I showed no resistance. He kept me still on his lap for a while then his hand went inside my panties, pulled them down to my thighs. It was the first time any man was seeing my bottom naked. He caressed me for a while. Then suddenly he whacked me hard. His hand was heavy. This was more painful than the belt. I wanted to scream, wanted to tell him to stop, but couldn’t. I couldn’t breathe. He struck again.

Finally I could speak. I told him to stop please. He said “it is ok, you can take them” and slapped right and then left. My bottom felt swollen. I tried to cover the cheeks with my hand but he twisted my wrist with his other hand and smacked again. I felt helpless, now couldn’t move my body at all. I was begging him to stop. He said in a very calm voice “You need a few more” and gave couple more blows, pausing in between, letting me catch my breath. When he finally stopped, I was sweating, felt hot all over. He moved his hand to my pussy. I was dripping wet, he laughed and said “That is my good girl!”
I stood up. Pulled my panties up, facing him, said “This was the last time. I will never do this again” and went out before he could say anything. In total I stayed less than twenty minutes in there with him. I promised myself never to see him again.

my very first time

I was 16. He was in his late 60’s. He was a friend of the family, someone I liked a lot. Elegant and very kind. He loved to tease me, always asked me if I was still a virgin and one time I answered him that I wouldn’t be if he was younger. It was our way of flirting…

One day I had to leave something at his office. We started our sexy talk again. At one point he said there was a way to identify a true slut. He said “I can show you now if you wish.” I said sure.

He got up and locked his office door, told me to lower my jeans. I was standing there with my jeans to my knees, in white cotton v-string. He then took my hand and moved it inside my panties, making me touch my pussy. He said “See, it is dry. Now bend down.” As I was reluctant, he said “it is ok, don’t worry” He took his belt out. And I bent down on the arm rest. I had no idea what was going to happen.

Not a second later, I heard this terrible smack. It was so loud. My ears were buzzing. I couldn’t hear anything else. Then a terrible pain on my butt. I was paralysed. And very scared that everybody in the next rooms had heard the loud smack. I couldn’t speak. Then I got another one, and another. When he stopped, not just my bottom but whole my body was burning. I was furious. I had never been hit before in my life. It was like nothing I felt till that day.

He came up to me, took my hand again, directed it to my pussy. My panties were so wet. First I thought I had peed, then I understood. It was very embarrassing. He unlocked the door, still holding the burning belt in his hand. I realized my jeans were down. I pulled them up in panic. Without saying a word, I ran out of the office.

I felt as everybody in the office heard him belt me. I started crying. When I was out of the building, it felt as if everyone in the street knew. I was crying like crazy. I had never felt such humiliation. I cried all the way home.

I was still shaken when I got home. My body was aching and burning. I went to bed. I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up I was sore. I took a mirror and locked myself in my room, I took a good look at my body. My skin wasn’t burning like before, but still hurting when I pressed my hand. Bottom was red all over and looked large. I was still very wet, I started rubbing my clit. I was watching my hand move between my pussy lips in the mirror, I could also see the red marks. I masturbated all night, that night.